A friend of mine just gave me the advice to ” Lower my expectations… of myself”. This is the worst advise anyone has ever given me. Seriously. You grow up with everyone telling you to try your best and be the best you can be. At work, school and life in general you should be challenged to constantly improve yourself and your abilities. This person just told me to basically forget all that and lower my standards.
Well…..is sitting on your ass for a week half drunk low enough??? Just kidding…but it does make me wonder how many lazy ass people out there are taking and giving this ridiculous advice. No wonder.

I was recently reminded of why I don’t do “congregational yoga???. I have done yoga independently for years. Practicing from books, videos and a little guidance from friends, and it was all good until I decided to join a class. The instructor was a really nice well spoken and calming woman and at first I thought this was the best idea ever. Unfortunately I somehow have the ability to annoy even the most even tempered yoga masters. The stretches were …well….annoying. She made us actually try to learn the “correct “names, as opposed to the varying terms I had created for my own amusement and interest, I didn’t realize I had signed up for a foreign language full body torture class. I have a hard time censoring any pain so at one point for about 15 minutes I continuously and loudly asked if yoga was supposed to hurt so bad. Actually the exact words were “GOD THIS IS KILLING MY FEET???…..???This IS yoga right???? “OHHH DEAR GOD…..R U KIDDING ME???? “This is just evil…really evil???….???I actually PAID for this???…
My whole class was laughing hysterically and the lady behind me was actually in tears. I was wondering what the hell I had gotten myself into. The instructor kept shushing me and telling me to focus. How the hell are you suppose to focus when you are experiencing an all over body cramp and the voice in your head is telling you to untangle yourself and run like hell. Come on…If you run or jog you are actually learning something that could be useful or save your life but what will yoga do for you? Are you going to deep breathe and focus a bear to death?? And what the hell does “soften your eyes??? mean?? Is waterproof mascara enough? I don’t get it.. Seriously, the only way I can describe what this means to me is the look on a baby’s face when they are about to drop a load.
The only reason I came back for class 2 was shear interest in whether this was going to get better and the 10 minutes with the lights off where they play soft music and do relaxation techniques….I totally fell asleep. The instructors once again sternly advised me that this was relaxation time and not sleep time. I honestly don’t see the difference. I have a mat in the dark with soft music and someone whispering relaxing suggestions….It’s definitely nap time!
I was kicked out of my third class. Probably around the 20 minute mark when I started trying to make the class more entertaining and amusing myself by irritating the instructor and acting like a goof. Oh well. So much for congregational yoga. I still do most of the poses at home, call them what I want and breathe so deeply I get dizzy and laugh till my sides hurt. Yoga is good for me….it makes me laugh, even when I’m not wearing “eye softening??? makeup.

I just saw a man walk out of a store, walk up to his ford truck, lift up his shirt and wipe down the front of his truck with the shirt he was wearing.
OMG
If only…..

Everyone else does

con·ven·tion·al

Questioning the validity and necessity of this word/concept. Never quite liked it. Found no use in it. Is it a crutch? A necessity in some societal acceptance? A psychological concept that holds us back from our own happiness and potential because of perception of doing ” the right acceptable thing”? How many ways are there to do things the “right way”, the honest way, the best way for all involved. If you continue to follow the path taken and not forge your own way of doing things and being successful in that how will change and growth occur? Struggling to see the purpose in this concept but also fighting the subconsciouses brainwashing of what’s right and wrong.

conforming or adhering to accepted standards, as of conduct or taste: conventional behavior.

pertaining to convention or general agreement; established by general consent or accepted usage; arbitrarily determined: conventional symbols.

ordinary rather than different or original

in accordance with an accepted manner, model, or tradition.

I am recently, constantly bombarded between conflicting thoughts and actions. The desire to organize and systematical “do” what should be done. Unfortunately many of these things are not my responsibility. But I feel this is the what needs to be done and the way it needs to be done. In a discussion with a friend , with an agenda, I caught some unintentional words of wisdom between the great well planned speech. This particular person seems unaware that the wisdom that comes from them, lies between the intended words spoken. Regardless, the universe has dropped in my lap a mantra…” is this your responsibility? what are you responsible for? create healthy boundaries and realize your intentions and limits with others.” This is actually giving me room to breathe. I feel as if a burden is lifted. I have always assumed and taken quick action to carry the load, even if it wasn’t mine just because I knew it was what needed to be done, I could do it, and that the other person would not rise to the occasion. I feel an immense freedom now in accepting that if it all falls to shit, it’s not my fault and not my responsibility.
How thin is the line between enlightenment and selfishness? Is the ego really all that bad? Is there a balance?
Well I won’t worry my pretty little head over it. I have to go wash my “it’s all about me” shirt.

Happy Zombie Jesus Day.
What a weird holiday where you hunt “eggs” (fertility) and exploit baby animals, children and apparently the ever so cuddly cute idea of religious zombies. Yeah! I feel better already. So bright, shiny and clean, full of redemption and communion wafers…. makes me wanna sin.
Save me Jebus…I’ve eaten too many dyed eggs and chocolate bunnies. ohhhh lawd.